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This 8-Bit Life | September 29, 2016

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Alyssa Bereznak: A Study in why Nerds should be Publicly Humiliated. - This 8-Bit Life

Leland Flynn

I’d like to preface this rant by saying that I wish the target of said rant no physical ill will. But I do hope that she is publicly shamed for her immature view of others, her poor taste in subject matter, and her sheer lack of integrity.

I was skimming though my Twitter stream this morning and happened to see a retweet from Veronica Belmont (@Veronica) by Felicia Day (@feliciaday) about a Gizmodo article that had them both rather incensed. I went ahead and clicked through to see what had them both so very up in arms and what I found was a piece of yellow journalism if indeed this could be called journalism at all. It seemed less fitting for Gizmodo and more appropriate for some muck-raking gossip blog.

Apparently Alyssa Bereznak (@alyssabereznak) “came home drunk and made an OKCupid profile” earlier this month. After getting a constant stream of douche baggery from a lot of people on the site she get a message from a seemingly nice man asking her to go out. She encouraged him to Google her and cite’s that he “seemed normal”. Little did she suspect the horror that would await her the fateful night of her date with Jon Finkle(@Jonnymagic00)!

The two met for a drink later in the week and made the usual small talk-work, college, etc. But then she mentioned that her brother was a gamer and he mentioned that he played the collectible card game Magic: The Gathering. She laughed it off as a joke (because who would seriously admit to liking a game? AM I RIGHT?) and continued chit-chatting but this seemed to bother him. Apparently people don’t appreciate it when you belittle their interests and are so dismissive of them that you can’t see past your own bullshit and give them some modicum of respect. Later he took her to a one-man show based on the life of the serial killer Jeffery Dahmer. I will admit this is not something one should take a first date to. Period.

After she suffered through the awful emberrassment of being on a date with A NERD she decided to Google Jon. Well it turns out that this guy was not just Jon Finkle! He was JON MOTHERFUCKING FINKLE, MAGIC: THE GATHERING WORLD CHAMPION! He is apparently so famous in the MTG scene that he has his own card. You can imagine how mortifying this must have been for Alyssa, I mean to be seen in public with one of the unwashed? I’d imagine that the shame had her curled in the fetal position in a scalding shower, sobbing her eyes out and pleading “WHY?!” to her respective deity.

Well being a glutton for punishment Alyssa decided she’d go out with him again the following week. Now Alyssa has a 3 Strikes rule when it comes to men that she’ll accept as men and enter into a courtship with. She decided it best to confront her date with these questions three: “Did he still play? “Yes.” Strike one. How often? “I’m preparing for a tournament this weekend.” Strike two. Who did he hang out with? “I’ve met all my best friends through Magic.” Strike three.” So at this point Jon has struck out, due to his inexcusable enjoyment of a card game and his apparent Godhood amongst the unclean nerdy masses he was unfit for Princess Alyssa’s affections. Clearly she only enjoys the company of ‘DudeBros’ and other knuckle-dragging leftovers from before Homo-Sapiens and Neanderthals became two distinct species.

The lesson she learned from all of this dear reader? That she’s a snobby, stuck-up bitch? Nope. That she is petty and rude? Wrong again. The lesson that one Ms. Alyssa Bereznak learned from her time with Jon was to always Google your date before you go out with them! As a matter of fact maybe you should run a full background panel. I mean fuck! What if she had ended up on a date with some crazed dweeb who liked to dress up as a fucking Klingon at Star Trek conventions!

The worst part of all of this is that this horrible woman had the fucking gall to not only write about this and call it journalism, but to write about it on Gizmodo! And use the man’s real name! Let’s break down what’s wrong with this scenario. You post a derisive and cruel write-up about your petty, shallow opinion of a nerdy guy on a blog like Gizmodo!? Nope, no nerds there! That’s like intentionally shitting where you eat! It’s not only mean, rude and pathetic, it’s fucking stupid! She’s practically asking for the Internet to hate her. (And queue the 4Chan meme’s!) She even has the nerve to try and rationalize her actions and opinions by calling it human nature. I will agree that making snap judgements is human nature. But accepting those judgements immediately and not allowing yourself to fully understand someone before berating them in public for having the audacity to be nerdy is not. It’s shameful and cruel.

Based on this one article alone Gizmodo has lost my readership permanently and it would seem that many others are vowing the same. If I thought it would matter I would ask that Gizmodo ask Ms. Bereznak to quietly leave their blog and move on to a place more suited to her bullshit.

The Ice Queen ends her tirade by saying the following: “Maybe I’m an OKCupid asshole for calling it that way. Maybe I’m shallow for not being able to see past Jon’s world title. I’ll own that”.

Indeed you will own that, Asshole.


  1. Katrina

    There is worse on the unedited version of that rant (I refuse to call it a blog)

    Stuff like "But if everyone stopped lying in their profiles, maybe there also wouldn’t be quite as many OKCupid horror stories to tell." qualifying that about maybe she is an OKCupid a**hole
    also "I was lured on a date thinking I’d met a normal finance guy, only to realise he was a champion dweeb in hedge funder’s clothing."
    and "he infiltrated his way into OKCupid dates"
    Unedited can be found here:

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